Intolerance (may be offensive)

I'm going to attempt to blog this in a way that doesn't offend anyone.
I do not like intolerance or intolerant people.  I have learned to accept everyone for who they are.  There are people that I absolutely cannot tolerate because of their ignorance and judgments towards those who don't think, feel, or believe the same as they do.  Okay with that being said there are times when I feel like we've been discriminated against because of Sammy's autism.  Parents of special needs children know all to well what I'm talking about.  Okay so I don't understand how the same people who get all bent out of shape because they or their child was discriminated against can turn around and do it to someone else.  I know it's human nature and I totally get that,  but why not think about how you felt when that happened to you and use those feelings to NOT do it to someone else.
I get that people say they don't agree with something because it's against their religion, but what gives them the right to use THEIR religion to discriminate against someone else or to tell them what they can and cannot do?  There are thousands of religions in this country and everyone feels theirs is the only right one,  but not everyone shares in those beliefs.  So why do they use their beliefs to infringe on the rights of others?  I don't appreciate someone belittling me because something I say or do goes against THEIR beliefs.  Just because it's YOUR belief doesn't mean it's everyone's belief.
I saw something the other day that made me think long and hard about this.  Someone who KNOWS all to well what it's like to be discriminated against and yet they were being discriminating towards another class of people just because their belief says that what those people are doing is wrong.  Who says it's wrong? Their religion?  Religion and different beliefs is absolutely no reason to discriminate, be violent or intolerant towards others.
I am teaching my kids that everyone is different and that is what makes the world go round.  Everyone has a story and we can all learn from each other.  I have friends from every walk of life and I love them for WHO they are and not what they are.  I love my gay friends, my disabled friends, my christian friends, my atheist friends, my black friends, my Hispanic friends, ALL of my friends.  I don't care who they do or do not pray to,  I don't care what color their skin is and I don't care if they have a disability.  I see PAST that and all those things are what make them WHO they are.
I have been discriminated against and put down by one of my husbands intolerant, ignorant family members because I didn't believe in the same things she did.   She put my husband down, our parenting down and judged us because her ignorance doesn't allow her to be tolerant towards others.  Yet she was the first one to cry and have a tantrum when someone did the same thing to her.  Why was it okay for her to do those things and not someone else?  When the tables were turned she didn't like how it felt but yet she kept right on doing it because she said she was doing in the name of her religion.  I think her god would be pretty upset at her judgment, hate and intolerance towards others who don't share her same views and beliefs.


When my kids look at people I want them to see the person for who they are.  Just like when people see my son I want them to see a smart, witty, polite, sweet little boy.  I don't want them to hear autism and treat him differently.  It's sad when intolerant people can't live and let live and when their beliefs infringe on another persons rights.  If the way someone lives their life doesn't affect you and your life, then don't use your lifestyle or beliefs to infringe on their lifestyle or their rights just because you don't agree with it.  We ALL should have the freedom to live our lives the way we see fit.  
I know this is totally off topic from what this blog is intended for but it's something that's been on my mind the past few days and I needed to get it all out lol.

Intro Letter To Teachers

A friend of mine uses this to inform her son's teachers each year of Asperger Syndrome.  You can tailor it to fit your specific child's needs.  I think this would be hugely helpful to parents who struggle with a child who has Asperger Syndrome.  Not only does it educate but it tells the teacher about YOUR child's specific needs and triggers.

INTRO LETTER TO TEACHER ABOUT STUDENTS WITH ASPERGER SYNDROME

Things NOT To Say And Do

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she was telling me that sometimes she doesn't know what to say to a friend of hers who has a child on the spectrum.  She never wants to say the wrong thing.  I thought that was great of her to be there for her friend and to be mindful of not saying the wrong things.
That got me to thinking about all the things that good intentioned people have said to us over the years.  Sometimes people think they are being helpful when they are actually be hurtful because they just do not understand Autism and other spectrum disorders.
I'm going to give a few suggestions of things NOT to say or do.

1. Do not say, "oh they'll grow out of it".  NO THEY WONT.  You don't  grow out of Autism.  You learn to deal with it and how to handle yourself as you get older.  I wish it were as simple as just growing out of it,  but it isn't.

2.  Well he'll talk when he's ready don't push him.  Uh no he wont talk when he's ready.  His brain doesn't work the way yours does and he can't make his mouth say what his brain wants him to.  It takes a lot of hard work and speech therapy.

3.  When a child is in public and going into sensory overload, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT tell the parent of that child that their kid needs a good old fashioned spanking,  or that he's spoiled and needs to get over it.  That child is not spoiled and spanking will only make it worse.  SENSORY OVERLOAD is NOT something you can just spank out of a child.  That child can NOT control themselves when over stimulated.  When the mother of that child tells you the child has Autism don't argue that the kid is spoiled and nothing is wrong him.


4.  DO NOT ever say that a child is speech delayed or has Autism because of parental neglect.  I read on a blog where someone said that because their ignorance doesn't allow them to think differently.  Speech delay and Autism has nothing to do with parental neglect.   I totally went off after reading that because we busted our butts working with our son and for someone so ignorant to say such a stupid thing just blew our minds.


5. Do NOT ask if Autism is contagious.  It's not and your child cannot catch Autism from playing with a child who is on the spectrum.  Just the sheer fact that someone would think that proves to me more and more how ignorant our society has become towards special needs children.


6. Do NOT say, "wow you would never know your child has something wrong with him".  My child DOES NOT have anything wrong with him.  He is absolutely brilliant and perfect.  That's when you look at that person and say, "wow I would have never know you were ignorant until you opened your mouth".


7. If the mother of a special needs child is talking about a problem with her child,  please do not say, "oh I know how you feel".  Unless you have a special needs child you don't know how it feels.  And if you don't have children at all then don't ever, ever say you know how it feels.
Let me give you an example of this:

Mother of special needs child:  I don't know what to do, little Johnny freaks out when we put him on the potty.  He's 4 and I fear he'll never be potty trained.

Person who doesn't know better:  Oh I know just how you feel,  when were teaching our puppy to go potty outside he would always go on the carpet by the door instead.  I totally get where you're coming from.

( I actually saw where someone had said this to someone on a message board)


8. Please don't NOT invite a child who has Autism or is on the spectrum to a birthday party or some other function because YOU don't know how they'll act at the party or if they can handle it.  Let the parents of that child make that decision but do not leave out that child.  It hurts the child and the parents.  Generally if a child goes into sensory overload at a party or some other function the parent will leave with that child.
(this happened to my son and caused hurt feelings because he does wonderful at birthday parties now that he's older)


9.   Do not talk about the child's Autism to the parent in front of that child. 


10.  If your child asks about a child on the spectrum please do not tell them that the Autistic child is, "slow" or "not right".  My child is not slow and is super smart.  There is nothing, "not right" about children on the spectrum,  they just learn in a different way than most kids.


11.  If your friend is talking about their special needs child,  you don't always have to offer advice.  Sometimes it's just good for that parent to get what they are feeling off their chest.  Tell them that you will be there any time they need to talk.  Sometimes having someone to talk to makes all the difference in the world.


12.  If your friends child is having a meltdown and the parent is trying to calm them,  please don't just sit there and stare.  Ask if there is anything you can do to help that parent. Sometimes that mother needs an extra set of hands rather it be to help with the situation or to keep an eye on a sibling while the parent is calming their child down.


13.  Do not tell the parent of an Autistic child or a child on the spectrum that they shouldn't take their child out in public if they are going to go into sensory overload or meltdown.
Sometimes we don't know what can set that child off.  We can't keep special needs kids locked inside because someone doesn't want to hear them experiencing a meltdown.  We have to teach them to function in society.  I will quickly tell you that my child can overcome his fear but you can't overcome your ignorance and stupidity.


14. If you ever have questions about Autism then do not hesitate to ask the parent of an Autistic child.  Most of us have no problems answering questions.  An answered question is one more person educated on the subject. 


15.  A lot of children on the spectrum are solitary sometimes when they are at the park or other attending other functions.  Sometimes they really won't talk or acknowledge  the other children unless it's someone they know well.  If your child tries to talk to the Autistic child and he doesn't respond,  then please do not tell your child that the other child was being rude or stuck up.  Autistic children do not always get the social ques and they can become so focused on what they are doing that they tune everything else out..

Environmental Factors Linked To Autism

Environmental factors linked to Autism

I have been messaged quite a bit on Facebook and asked what my thoughts are on this new study.
Personally I think that Autism is genetic, BUT I feel that sometimes it's takes environmental  factors or other things to trigger the signs and symptoms of Autism.  
I don't think that vaccines cause Autism but I do think that vaccines could be a trigger for some children.
I have no doubt in my mind that my son was born with High Functioning Autism.  Could it have been caused by something that happened during my pregnancy?  Maybe.  I had a hard pregnancy with my son and had lots of tests run on me and I often wonder if some of those tests didn't contribute to his Autism.  Chances are I'll never know,  but they were tests that were desperately needed and without them it would have negatively affected both of us.  
I think a number of things can be considered "triggers" for Autism and mistaken as being the cause.
It could be something such as preservatives or additives in the foods we feed our kids. It could be the hormones pumped into the meat and dairy products that we consume.  It could  even be the dyes in our food, and as I said before it could be something in the vaccines that TRIGGER it but not cause it.   I can't say that I think any one thing triggered my sons Autism because looking back I can see signs very early on,  but Autism is different for every child.  I think studies will find that there IS an Autism gene and sometimes it takes something to trigger it before the symptoms present itself.

Fireworks

This was the scene over our house on the 4th of July.  We were in the middle of the two biggest fireworks displays in our city and we could see both of them perfectly. 
Last year Sammy covered his ears and cringed at the sound of bottle rockets exploding  and other random fireworks, but this year he LOVED it.  He was so excited to see the firework shows and was disappointed when they ended.  Usually we celebrate the 4th of July with Joe's family who puts on a huge show, but this year I wasn't feeling well and we didn't know how Sammy would react.  So we decided to stay home and enjoy the fireworks from the comfort of our own yard.  It was nice not having to drive home late with 2 tired and cranky kids while fighting traffic and DUI check points.   I would have hated to take him all the way out there and have him freak out and go into sensory overload and have to turn around and bring him home (still not sure how he would have handled the huge amount of people that was there).  That wouldn't have been fair to him or his sister.   We were thrilled to see him so enthusiastic about the fireworks and it was awesome that they didn't seem to set off any sensory issues for him.  The difference between this year and last year are HUGE.  I feel like that's one more huge accomplishment for him and we couldn't be happier about that.

Another Milestone

For the past few months we've been keeping an eye on what we call a, "wiggler".  That tiny little loose tooth in Sammy's mouth that we have eagerly been awaiting to fall out.  We've noticed over the past week or so that Sammy has been having an increasingly difficult time eating because that tooth has been so loose.  Sometimes it would stick straight out and I would cringe watching it wiggling around lol.  I'm very squeamish about teeth so I would just wiggle it sometimes to try and help it along but I know I couldn't handle pulling it.  
Sammy has had some anxiety about this tooth because someone made a comment about, "snatching" it out and Sammy takes everything you say literally so we have had to assure him that nobody is going to snatch his teeth out.  
As days went on he was becoming increasingly irritated by this tooth and we tried helping it along by giving him apples or some sort of sticky treat which didn't work.  It was on the verge of coming out but needed a little help.  Sammy was getting to the point to where eating was getting difficult so yesterday we bribed him into letting us "wiggle" it for a little bit and we told him we would give it little, "tugs".  Sammy was anxious and scared but we reassured him and he let his daddy work with it a bit and out it came.  Sammy had this look of utter shock, and yelled, "PUT IT BACK DADDY" lol.  He was kind of embarrassed and clung to me unsure of what to do, but we made a huge deal about how awesome it was and how the Tooth Fairy was going to come and see him and then he was okay with it.  He asked how much the Tooth Fairy would bring him and I told him I wasn't sure but probably around $5.  He asked if she could bring him $20 so he could buy some more Lego's lol.  I informed him that she generally doesn't bring $20 but he can save his money and buy some more Lego's.   It's not like he doesn't have a couple of thousand anyway.

So this morning he woke up to find $5 and 2 gold $1 pieces under his pillow and he was so excited.  He's already wiggling his other loose tooth and talking about how much money he is going to get for it.  Over all I think he did wonderful with the whole loose tooth thing.  Much better than we had anticipated and I will always remember that he lost his first tooth the day before my birthday.