The Odd Man Out

Last night I spent a lot of time thinking about yesterdays meeting and things that were said.  We are trying to weigh the pro's and con's of different suggestions and trying to find the perfect fit for Sammy.
I was talking to my mother who is as blunt as a mac truck (which I totally love) but she said something that I hadn't thought of and that's,  Sammy is the odd man out.  I thought about it and she's right.  He is the only Autism spectrum child in his class and some of his actions can be foreign to those who have never been exposed to it.  His pre-k peers accepted him because to them he was, "normal"  since there were other spectrum kids in his class.  This year he is the odd man out, the, "black sheep" of the class.  If he goes to the other program which is a typical classroom setting part of the day and special needs classes the other part of the day will he be the, "black sheep" there too because his Autism isn't as severe as other peers?  I feel like he's going to be the odd man out wherever he goes.  I'm kind of at a loss as to what we should do.  He's not flourishing and thriving the way he did in pre-k.  I'm wondering if his lack of paying attention is because he's bored with the curriculum.  They are learning their shapes, letters, numbers and colors and this is stuff he's known and done for years now.



I feel like he knows he's some how, "different" than those around him and we struggle with that.  I had not thought about how his actions would look to his peers and I don't want him mistreated because he still doesn't fully grasp the concept of somebody doing something on accident or on purpose.  He came home one day last week with a definite shoe print on his back and I asked him about it and finally he told me that a little girl in his class kicked him in the back.  He said she did it on purpose and the teacher made her say she was sorry but then he said it was an accident.  I'm not sure what happened.  Yesterday he got a yellow card and when I asked what happened he told me he had a tantrum.  When I asked why, he said that another kid hid a toy he was playing with and it upset him.   So I'm not sure if the other kids are intentionally doing these things or if Sammy isn't understanding exactly what is going on.  I feel like his teacher isn't going to be much help seeing as how she acted as though Sammy was doing really good and then blindsided us with the news that he wasn't.

  I know the kids don't understand why Sammy sometimes says and does certain things but I really thought there would be other children like Sammy in his class and now I feel like crap because there aren't.  In away I feel deceived and I'm not trying to place blame on the teacher in any way but she could have been more forthcoming with information and alerted us to certain things that were concerning to her instead of concealing the information and then blindsiding us with it 3 weeks into the semester.

Joe was talking to me the other day about how he feels that sometimes Sammy gets, "avoided" because others are afraid they will upset him or because they don't know how to handle his quirks.  We were already feeling down about that because it's another instance of Sammy being left out by others and now this.
Is it always going to be like this? Are family and friends going to purposely avoid or exclude him for fear of upsetting him?  I think what's going on right now is anxiety induced regression.  Sammy has done very very good for so long and now I feel like we are back sliding  He is not bad by any means and is very well behaved but I think a lot of people don't understand him so they just chose to not include him.  Joe is having major issues with that right now and rightfully so.  I just say that people suck, and he shouldn't be exposed to those who don't want to include him.  Treating him differently makes HIM feel different and that's what we struggle to avoid.  Sometimes people make it hard for him to feel normal.  I don't know I think at this point I'm just rambling.  Have I mentioned how bad Autism  and people suck????

In Between

Not really sure where we go from here.  I had a meeting with the school today that we fought so hard to get Sammy into and it seems as if he isn't doing well.  Academically he's fine but emotionally he is having a very hard time.  We had a write up in his IEP last year about goals for this year and one of the goals for him was to work on his coping skills.  I thought he was doing okay but he isn't and needs prompting with nearly everything, and if someone isn't there to guide him through something he cries and says he can't do it.  He's not eating at school, his stomach has been in turmoil and the larger classroom size and lack of one on one time is to much for him to handle.  He comes home everyday happy and full of stories about what went on during the day so this was a complete shock to me.

With the budget cuts there really isn't a place for children like Sammy.  Seeing as how he goes to a magnet school he can't get an aide but if he went to his home school he could get one.  That still doesn't help the issue of him not being able to handle a larger, A-typical classroom setting.  He doesn't need special ed and he's at an in between spot and I'm not sure where we go from here.  I strongly oppose homeschooling so that isn't even a consideration.  Kids like Sammy NEED the social interaction of peers and in my opinion it's not healthy for children to be around mom and dad 24/7.  They need school so they can assert their independence and make friends outside the home.
I'm not turning this into a homeschooling debate but stating my opinion. 
In 3 weeks time we will have another meeting and decide from there where we go and what we do.  I hate to uproot him from the only school he's ever known but also can't have him being stressed and full of anxiety.


If we were to go to a different school I know he's going to be anxious for awhile because that is a HUGE change for him.  We are going through changes here at home as we are seriously talking about moving and getting out from under this house.  I'm afraid if everything starts changing he's going to have issues.  He's already having stomach problems due to the stress of things at school.  I really thought he was doing good and that there weren't any problems.  That's why I HATE the changes the school made this year due to budget cuts.  I NEED to have one on one communication with his teacher that isn't just in the form of a note being sent in his communicator folder each day.  He has done so good the past few years and we all thought he would be perfectly fine in a typical classroom.   I guess he needs a smaller classroom and more one on one time.  I know he has issues coping with things and we are really working on that but apparently he isn't focusing or following directions and is very emotional.  The teacher has 17 other kids and is constantly stopping to remind Sammy of something.  I'm just heartbroken because we fought so hard to get him into this school and now he may have to transfer in another few weeks.   We all thought that AAA would be the best place for him and I feel like we've somehow failed him.  I tried so hard to hold it together in our meeting today and I really teared up in the end but I held it together until I got in the car and then I lost it.  The uncertainty of it all is upsetting enough and as hard as it is on us I know it's a lot harder on him.


If we would have thought for one minute that he couldn't handle a typical classroom setting then we never would have fought to get him in to AAA. How could so many of us have been so wrong?  His actions last year in pre-k gave us every indication that he was ready and he wasn't.  I'm just upset and confused and I don't like not knowing what is going to happen.

Off To Kindergarten

Monday kicked off Sammy's first day of kindergarten and so far it's going really well.
Going in a different entrance and having a new teacher has been a very big adjustment for him seeing as how he has had the same teacher for the past 2 1/2 years.   
The first day we got to walk him to class and he did okay until Joe and I started to leave.  He ran to me and tried to climb me like a tree and he was very weepy and nervous.  I told him that I loved him and to have a good day and I would be back to get him once school was over.  I led him to his teacher and Joe and I left.  

Joe has never experienced a first day of school for Sammy because it always started when Joe was on the day shift.  Once we left the classroom Joe seemed a little teary and kept peaking in the door  to see how Sammy was doing.  I had to remind him that Sammy would be okay and we had to do the "band-aid" approach.  We waited eagerly for the school day to end so that we could see how his day went.  I was worried about how Sammy would adjust to the changes but I knew he would fine.  My mother and husband on the other hand expected the worst.  I told them to have a little confidence in Sammy, and that he would be just fine.  Once the school day ended Sammy was all smiles and eager to tell us about  how his first day of school went.  His teacher said he had a great day and hardly cried once we left.

The second day we weren't allowed to walk them to class.  We could only walk them so far into the school and then the teachers take them from there and sit them down against the wall.  That was not how Sammy was use to going into the school so once I handed him off to his teacher he started crying.  Again I had to do the, "band-aid approach"and reassure him that I would be back that afternoon and I loved him.   It's hard to walk away when your child is crying for you but I know it's a lot harder on the child if you stay and baby them.  In pre-school he knew what was expected of him and he had the same routine for years and all of the sudden everything is different and it's definitely going to take some time for Sammy and myself  to adjust to this routine and this new way of doing things.  Sammy and I are both creatures of habit and neither of us likes change lol.  

Overall I think Sammy is handing these changes better than we had anticipated and it just shows how far he's come.  It's seems like yesterday he was a baby being rocked to sleep in my arms and now he's in Kindergarten and losing teeth.  They definitely grow up way to fast.