DisordersThen And Now ( I got kind of long winded lol)

What causes Autism and other disorders that are affecting kids today?
No one really knows,  but EVERYONE seems to have theory on it.  Some think it's vaccinations, others think it's environmental factors and some think it could be the chemicals we are putting into and on our bodies.  Autism and other disorders do seem like they are on the rise from what they were even 10 years ago,  but are they really?   

The Autism spectrum is so broad and encompasses so much.   When I was growing up you didn't hear of Autism.  Did it exist?  YES, it just didn't have a name.
Back in the days of my childhood and even long before I was born all the disorders that we have now existed but we didn't hear about them or they didn't have a name attached to them. 
I remember being in school and at the end of the long hallway was a wheelchair ramp that led to two special ed classrooms.  I distinctly remember kids daring each other to go up that ramp and peek inside to see the, "retarded" kids as if they were some kind of circus freak show.  
Some of the kids would come running back and telling tall tells of what they had seen which of course was completely exaggerated but intriguing to the other kids none the less.   I never cared to go up the ramp and never gave a second thought about the kids in that classroom.  I was smart enough to know that those children were not the hideous monsters that the other kids claimed them to be and I just figured they were children who needed more academic help than the rest of us.


Back in those days the kids were either considered slow or cruelly referred to by society and doctors as, "retarded".   Some families were ashamed and didn't talk about their special needs child because of the label that society and the medical profession had given them.  Others tried to pretend that their child had no problems and pushed them to try and be like the, "normal" kids.  Some families choose to institutionalize their children because they had no idea what was wrong with them and just assumed they were a lost cause.
 I think we hear about it more now because more people are coming forward to get help for their children and they now have names for these disorders where as they didn't have a name to attach to it before.  The help is available for these children now where as it was almost non-existent before.
Do I think Autism and other disorders are on the increase?  Maybe,  but I think it's just that we hear more about it now because of research and all the breakthroughs.  We now know more than ever about that these disorders and how to better treat them.  Gone are the days that children were unfairly called, "slow" or "retarded" by the medical community.  Instead of hiding the children in institutions we are learning how to help them become functioning members of society.

In my honest opinion I do NOT think that vaccinations caused my sons Autism,  nor do I think it's anything that I put into my body or on my body (I seriously doubt my putting on lotions and perfumes had anything to do with it *insert eye roll*).   I think he had all the classic traits of Autism and I think it just took something to trigger it all off.  It could have been the vaccinations that TRIGGERED it, but NOT caused it.   It was there waiting to present itself and just needed a trigger.  I don't think my son "got" Autism from any one thing but I think he was born with it and it took awhile to show itself.    Had my child been born in the 80's or even the early 90's he would have been called, "slow"  even though he is absolutely brilliant.  Academically my son knows more than most adults but he does miss social ques and still has some problems speech wise.  It's nothing that will keep him from being able to function normally in society it just means that right now he just needs a little extra help.


My opinion may not mean much to some,  but  I absolutely do not think that there are any, "retarded" children or adults out there.  Retarded in not a word that should be associated with any adult or child who has any type of disorder.  It's derogatory and just plain wrong and insulting.
The adults and children who have Autism, Cerebral Palsy,  Down Syndrome, and other disorders are PEOPLE just like you and I.  They may not be able to understand or process things the way you and I might,  but they still have feelings and they are still capable of learning.   They learn in a different way than most people and that doesn't make them stupid, retarded or dumb, and these kids and adults understand much more than people realize or give them credit for.   Some of these people may not be able to speak but they DO understand and they do hurt and they do feel.  


When you're out and about in your daily adventures and you see a child throwing a tantrum,  don't just assume that kid is being a disobedient brat.  
When you see a mother struggling at her vehicle with a child who is in a wheelchair and obviously has a disorder of some kind,  don't look at that mother with pity and sadness but ask if she needs any help.  A little bit of kindness goes a long way to a parent of a special needs child. 

An Update On My Venting Post

A BIG thank you to everyone who read my vent blog and left me comments about it on Facebook.  You guys are awesome and I love each and every one of you dearly.

Here is an update:

Sammy's teacher wasn't at school Monday so I sent her an email and told her in detail what happened the day of the field trip.  The class aid who had witnessed it briefly touched on the subject with Sammy's teacher when one of the other aids had an emergency and that took priority,  which is completely understandable.  
This morning I had a conference with Sammy's teacher and the aid and they completely agree that the other teacher was way out of line and what she did to my son was just cruel and inappropriate.  They support me 100% in however I choose to deal with the matter.  Sammy's teacher also told me that the offending teacher was on a power trip and was showing her assertiveness.  I told her that she needed to leave my son out of her power trips and that a mother trumps teacher.  My saying NO multiple times should have been more than enough for her to stop her actions and leave my son alone,  yet she choose to ignore me and the other aid and continue being disrespectful to my son and his fear.


Having a witness helps tremendously so it isn't her word against mine.  After discussing this with Joe,  family and wonderful friends I have decided to discuss the matter with the schools principal.  All I am asking is for the teacher to apologize to my son for what she did and to assure him and myself that this type of thing will NEVER happen again.  My son deserves an apology from her for her actions and I'll do everything in my power to get that apology for him. 

It just breaks my heart that my son is so innocent and just has no clue when someone is being mean to him.  He just doesn't understand that type of thing right now because no one has ever really been mean to him.
I sat him down last night and this morning and explained to him that what that teacher did was wrong and it never should have happened.  I asked him if he knew what incident I was referring to and he told me it was (insert teachers name) putting the sticker on him when he didn't want her to.
I told him that it's never okay for an adult to be mean to a child.  I then asked him if he wanted her to apologize for her actions and he said, "yes".

It just breaks my heart for him and I fear that as he gets older people are always going to test him to get a reaction from him.  People do not understand what it's like for an Autistic child when someone is throwing something in their face that scares them.   Some people would say, "well it's just a sticker get over it".  To a child like Sammy it is more than, "just a sticker",  it's something that his mind won't let him accept as being okay.  In his mind a sticker placed on this clothing is a foreign object that shouldn't be placed on him or clothing because it's something that is NOT suppose to be there.  Even as a small child he would freak out over a stain or a little bit of dirt on his clothing because in his mind that is not something that is suppose to be on his clothing.  
I think my mother-in-law said it best when she said, " someone coming at him with a sticker would be like someone coming at you or I with a hot cattle prod".  

Imagine the one thing you're most afraid of in this world,  and then imagine someone chasing you with it.  You're very much going to be fearful in the same way that my son was when she was coming at him that sticker.
His mind processes things differently than mine or yours.  
He doesn't deserve to have Autism, and neither does any other child on the spectrum.   All we can do is what is right for our children and to stand up for them and be their voice. 

Motherhood

 When you have a child on the spectrum it really tests you.  It tests your patience, judgments and makes you question everything that you do.  Not all days are bad days and now that Sammy is older we do have more good days than bad ones.  
There are days that are awesome and I can see how far he's come,  and then there are those days that leave me feeling absolutely exhausted, both physically and mentally.  There are nights when I lay in bed and think of an instance where I should have had a different response to a situation or could have handled it differently than what I did.
Being a mom isn't always easy but when you have a special needs child it really tests your motherhood.  I can say without a doubt that we've always put our children first and do what we think is in their best interest.


When you have two children you have to divide your time equally and I always worry when there are days that I've spent more time working with Sammy than what I spent with Mandy.  Then there are days when I feel that Sammy didn't get as much attention as Mandy did.  When Mandy was born I felt guilty that I would have to tell Sammy that we would read a book or do flash cards when I was finished feeding Mandy,  or finished rocking her to sleep.  I wondered if we had made a mistake because Mandy was a very demanding baby,  much more so than Sammy.
It all balanced itself out and we adjusted. 


As a mom I always put myself last,  kids first,  Joe second and then me.  There are times when I want to say, "hey I don't want to be the mom anymore" and I know I'm not the only one who has felt like that.  We tend to run ourselves ragged at times and then our patience is thin and our tempers short.  I had read where someone selfishly said that society had put the idea in our heads that we as mothers need a break sometimes when really we don't.
Obviously this mother is living in some sort of a fantasy world or wants to pretend to be the perfect stay at home mother.  ALL MOTHERS NEED A BREAK AT TIMES.   The mothers who feel that they don't are usually the ones who snap one day and go berserk.  I am not ashamed to say that sometimes I need a break.  An hour or two break gives me the time that I need to replenish my patience and just overall get myself in a much better disposition.  Those who don't think they need a break are really doing themselves and their family a disservice.  When your patience is thin and your temper is short then you aren't doing your family or yourself any good.
 It's not just moms of kids who have special needs but it's all moms.  Mothers have to take care of themselves so they can better take care of their family.  We have to take care of ourselves physically, mentally,  and emotionally.


Back in July I had to have a total hysterectomy,  I was having some major problems that completely depleted my body of the essential vitamins it needed to keep me going.
There were days my body just ached all over,  I was beyond exhausted and I didn't think I could possibly keep functioning.  I was to busy with the ins and outs of daily life to take care of myself properly.  I would put off going to the doctor because one of the kids had an appointment or because I had to much to do.  When I finally did go to the doctor I was told that if I had waited any longer I would have had to have been hospitalized because of all the vitamin deficiencies.  My vitamin D was incredibly low,  I had very little B-12,  I had very low iron and was almost anemic and on top of that I has having terrible headaches in the back of my head.

There was always something else going on and I didn't take the time to take care of me.  Looking back I don't know how on earth I went as long as did before going to the doctor.  
After having to give myself B-12 injections daily and loads of medication I finally got my body back in shape enough that I could have surgery. 
We are the only mothers our children will ever have and we have got to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of those we love.  
Despite what others may say I have learned that it IS okay to take an hour or two for yourself when you feel your running out of patience.  It IS okay to ask your husband to watch the kids so that you can get out of the house alone sometimes and it IS okay to admit defeat on those days when the kids have just worn you down.
Even when the bad days are bad and the good days are great,  I still wouldn't trade being a mother for anything.  I love my babies and each day I grow a little more as a woman and mother because of them.

I need to vent

Having a special needs child you find yourself dealing with things that most people take for granted.  You find yourself in situations that most people would never think of as being an issue.
My son has a fear of stickers.............yes stickers.  This fear started early on with him.  He likes to play with stickers but you don't dare put a sticker on that child because he panics, his anxiety goes through the roof and he gets uncontrollably upset.

Yesterday was the Pre-K class field trip to a pumpkin farm just across the state line into our neighboring state of Tennessee.  Sammy has talked about it for 2 weeks and was so excited because he loves the Pumpkin farm that we usually attend every year about this time.
Everyone who deals with Sammy KNOWS his fear of stickers.  A lot of times if there is a PTA meeting or something special going on at the school it is announced on a sticker stuck to our children's clothing.  The aids and teacher in Sammy's class all know the drill,  and when he sits down on the computer or in his chair they pat him on the back and that's where I find the sticker.  I'm totally okay with that because Sammy doesn't know it's there and I get the message.

So yesterday my dad and I followed the bus and chaperoned the field trip.  Nearing the end of the trip it was story time and the kids sat on hay bales and listened to a story and learned about Johnny Appleseed and growing pumpkins.
The other Pre-K teacher at the school is wonderful and was voted teacher of the year last year for her work with Autistic children.
The lady who read the stories gave that particular teacher a load of stickers to put on each child.  She goes to put one on Sammy and I was shaking my head and telling her NO multiple times.  Well Sammy realized it was a sticker he then started panicking and crying.  Instead of listening to me and the other aid that works in Sammy's class she attempted again to put the sticker on him and succeeded.  I looked at her and told her that he does NOT like stickers and she says, "I know".  By this time Sammy is flipping out and his anxiety was just through the roof.  He ran to me and buried his head in my chest and I rocked him and told him that it was okay that the teacher just didn't know.   The aid looked at me and said, "oh she knows about him and stickers,  she just did it to get a rise out of him".   I was livid.  Even if she did not know,   just the fact that I said NO 3-4 times and was shaking my head should have been enough for her.  By this time Sammy had shut down.  What was a fun outing was no longer fun for him and he was ready to leave.  We took a group picture and then we took him home.  Once something sets him off it just ruins it for him and he shuts down and doesn't want any part of the activity anymore.

I know she is praised for her work with Autistic children and she is a wonderful teacher but she really shouldn't have put that sticker on him especially seeing him panicking and struggling to get away from her and get to me.   Telling her NO should have been more than enough.   I just don't understand why she would try to get a rise out of him knowing that he has this irrational fear of stickers.  I was so angry and hurt for Sammy that he couldn't even enjoy the last hour of his trip and wanted to leave.
I find that more children are accepting to special needs children more so than adults.  This teacher has spent her life working with Autistic children so she of all people should know what it's like for them.
Instead she wanted to get a reaction out of him that she knew would be negative which made it hard on him.  I just don't understand peoples logic sometimes.  We are working with him on the whole sticker thing but at the same time I'm NOT going to force it on him either.  A fear is a fear no matter how petty it may seem to someone else.

Our Sweet Little Sammy

Living in fear

When our son was much younger,  Joe and I talked a lot about the size of our family.  Joe was content with one child seeing as how he grew up an only child,  but my heart desperately wanted two.   My sister and I are very close and I wanted Sammy to experience that sibling bond.
My pregnancy with Sammy was hard and I was hospitalized multiple times due to high blood pressure and hyperemises.   The birth was hard for me seeing as how I had an emergency C-section and was put under anesthesia.
That scared me out of having another child and then finding out Sammy had autism was another thing that scared me.  I was terrified that if we had another child it too would have autism.  It was a fear that neither Joe or myself could shake.


Joe seemed happy with one but to me our family didn't feel complete.  We tossed the idea around about trying for another baby but at that time we were so busy with Sammy that having another baby seemed way off in the distance should we decide for another.
In February 2008 one of our dearest friends gave birth to a beautiful little blond headed baby boy.  I had been there with her throughout most her pregnancy and most of her labor. 
The next day Joe and I stood there looking at that beautiful baby and he turns to me and out of nowhere tells me he would like to have another child.  I was in shock because he seemed so content with one and never gave any indication he had been thinking about wanting another child.  I was also starting to become content with just one and had come to terms with the fact that I probably wasn't going to have another.  I had even went so far as talking to my doctor about tying my tubes.  Apparently Joe had been thinking about it for awhile before saying anything to me.  I think once he held our friends baby in his arms he realized how much he really wanted to have another baby.


I thought long and hard about it and Joe and I both had our fears.  I was so scared of having another hard pregnancy while dealing with Sammy and his autism.    More than that I feared that this next child would have autism as well.  Joe and I did our research and talked to two doctors who both told us that the odds of having another child on the spectrum were slightly increased but not to live in fear of the what ifs. 
I had a hard time putting the, "what ifs" out of my head and wondered where we would find the energy and strength should we have two children on the spectrum.

After much thought on the subject we started trying for our 2nd and last child.
On February 9th 2009 our baby girl Mandy arrived.  We were instantly in love and knew we made the right choice for our family.  I was very paranoid with her.  From a very early age I started looking for any signs or red flags that indicated autism.
There was always that fear that she would progress normally then suddenly regress like Sammy did.  Each day I worried about the next and feared it would be our last day with her before regression started or before she started displaying any of the classic autism signs. 

From day one everything was different with her.  She would cry and let us know when she was displeased,  she was/is very social,  she imitates, she talks and constantly needs to be entertained.
Our pediatrician told me at one of the well visits that we really needed to stop living in fear of autism and that our daughter showed no indications that she was anywhere on the spectrum.  We would have started seeing signs already seeing as how we know what to look for.  He was absolutely right,  we needed to quit worrying about the what if's and living in fear and live for the here and now.  Sammy's Autism had put a fear in us and was taking control of our lives.

After that appointment I felt like I could finally breathe that sigh of relief and that Mandy was going to be okay.  
I'm so glad that we chose to expand our family and didn't let our fears hold us back.  Our family is absolutely 100% complete now and I have no doubts that we made the right decision.  Gone are the fears that autism could creep back into our lives through our daughter and we are able to look towards the future without fear for her.
  Sammy had a very hard time adjusting at first but now him and his sister are inseparable.  They play and rough house and that little girl can hold her own when it comes to a wrestling match lol.   Autism or not they are the absolute greatest joys of our lives and I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world.

A Glimpse Into Autism

I found this great video and wanted to share it.  This is what it was like for Sammy when he went to the movies.  He covered his ears and got upset because it was sensory overload.  For someone who has never been around anyone with Autism they may not understand what I mean by sensory overload.  Hopefully this video will provide you with some insight on what sensory overload is like for my son and many others suffering from Autism.  Do not turn the volume down on your computer.

Alyssa's Story

This is Alyssa.  She is one of the many faces of Autism and this is her story.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com


         
                   I want to give a big thank you to my friend Mindy for letting me share their story.

Routines and quirks

When Sammy was younger routine was key to having a successful day.
One little kink in our routine and our day was completely thrown off.
Now that he's older he doesn't have to have the strict routine that he once had but we still do things in a certain order just keep to the normal flow of the day going.

Mornings always start off the same on school days. I get up at 5:45am and get my make up and hair done and then I get dressed. I usually have 10 minutes of internet time before waking Sammy up at 6:45am.
He gets up and has his breakfast then I get him dressed and his hair combed and teeth brushed.
Sometimes between my internet time and Sammy waking up Mandy decides to start her day. While I'm getting ready or Sammy's eating, baby girl will play in the living room, munch on some Cheerios and watch cartoons until Sammy is ready for school.
7:15 I start Mandy's routine and by the time she's clothed and fed it's off to school.

Our mornings use to not go so smoothly. Breakfast was a challenge because he would only eat Fruity Pebbles or mini pancakes. He would only eat his cereal out of certain colored bowls. Red, blue, green and orange bowls were acceptable. Yellow, pink, or glass bowls were not. Juice was only drank from 1 sippy cup and clothes were put on in a certain order. Underwear/pull-up, shirt, left sock, right sock, pants, left shoe and right shoe. Should I put the pants on after his underwear or put his right sock on before his left one it would send him into high anxiety mode and he would pull his clothes off in a panic and we would have to start over in the correct order.
Changing of the season was also hard. Going from shorts to pants and vice versa always threw him off and it was a battle. World War 3 broke out when coat weather arrived and between the ages of 2-3 he refused to wear a coat. If I tried to force him to wear one he panicked and in fear and anxiety he would struggle to get it off of him. I learned to keep a blanket in the car and just cover him up till we got where we were going.

Shoes were also a big thing with Sammy. Once shoes were put on, they were not to be taken off until it was bath time. Taking his shoes off during the day would cause a tantrum unlike anything you ever saw. Buying new shoes was the same way. He would attach himself to a pair of shoes like a small child would attach themselves to a particular toy or pet. Often times we would buy the same exact shoe in a bigger size in hopes he wouldn't notice the change once he out grew a pair.

Any clothing item that he had on would have to be changed immediately if he were to get food, juice or a stain on it. Having a toddler can be messy at times so clothes were changed at least 2-4 times a day and I had a never ending pile of laundry. Even the tiniest of spots would upset him terribly.

When Sammy was less than a year old he had this pacifier that was affectionately referred to as, "stinky binky". No other binky would do, and he would only take stinky.
The reason for it's name is because he sucked on that thing so much that it smelled terrible. No amount of soaking or dish washing made it smell better. It had the tan colored nipple and I'm pretty sure it was the rubber that it was made from on top of excessive sucking that made it stink.
Stinky went everywhere Sammy did and should stinky be forgotten in the car or left behind at the house we would have to go get it. I think eventually ole stinky wore out and he moved on to another satisfying yet less stinky binky.
Even at a young age he preferred things that were the same and familiar to him.

Even when he spent the night with my parents he had only one certain pair of PJ's he would wear over there. My mother bless her heart tried and tried to get that boy to wear different sets of PJ's but only the camo PJ's with the turtles on them would do. He wore those things until they were so snug he looked like a stuffed sausage in them.

When spring and summer rolled around and kids were lining up on the street to by buy ice cream from the ice cream truck we scrambled to get Sammy indoors before he heard it coming. Not because he would have freaked out wanting ice cream but because the sound of the ice cream truck bothered him.
Sammy's hearing is amplified which means some things that sound normal to us sound loud and distorted to him.

Movies are another place that aren't good for a lot of kids on the spectrum. Sammy's sensory issues don't allow him to process a movie the way most people process it. It's to loud for him and to crowded.

As he gets older we defeat old challenges just to be face with new ones. Old fears are conquered and habits are broken just in time to obtain new fears and habits.
Old quirks are forgotten and new ones take their place. Old routines are replaced with new ones and a new challenge always arises.

The one thing that never changes and will always stay the same is our love, devotion and dedication to helping our son as he faces the everyday struggles of Autism.

The Affects Of Autism On The Father And Son Relationship

When we found out that we were having a son, my husband was so over joyed.
The car ride home from the ultrasound that day I listened to my husband talk about all the things he couldn't wait to do with our son. He couldn't wait to teach him to play baseball, or to go out in the yard and work with him on his pitching skills. He couldn't wait to toss the football around with him or take him to the batting cages.
Then he talked a lot about the relationship he had growing up with his father.
His father is a very hard working man, but when he wasn't working he was coaching Joe's little league team or outside practicing pitches with him.
They had that typical father son relationship and now my husband was going to experience that with a son his own.

Our son will be turning 5 in December and there is no tossing the football around or any little league games to attend. There are no father son sessions of playing catch in the front yard or any batting practice at the batting cages.
Really Joe and Sammy have don't have much in common other than their love for astrology.
Last year "Santa" brought the two of them a T-Ball set.
Joe was excited but Sammy was a little less enthusiastic. The next semi warm day Joe took the set outside and I watched from the door as Joe was attempting to show Sammy how it's done. Sammy tried but had no interest in it. What did interest him was the fact that the ball was round and he could hold it up against the sky and pretend it was the Earth or some other random planet.
A disappointed Joe came in the house and that was that. I encouraged him to try again once the spring arrived.

The T-Ball set sits in the corner of the kids playroom collecting dust. Sammy has no interest in it and I think Joe has all but given up on the dream of coaching little league or playing a game of catch in the front yard. Maybe when Sammy is older but I don't think he'll have an interest in it any time soon.

I asked Joe awhile back if he was disappointed that Sammy doesn't like to do the things that he wanted to share with him. He said no and that he was proud of Sammy no matter what.
I see he how proud he is of his son and all that he's accomplished. I can also see the look of worry and uncertainty he has for Sammy as well.
We both are thankful that his Autism is High Functioning and he should have no problems functioning in society or holding down a job when he's older. We still can't help but worry about what the future holds for him.

I think what worries Joe the most is how his son will relate to him as he grows up since they have very little in common now. Joe and Sammy are very opposite of one another. Sammy is more like me and relates better to me where as our daughter is just like her daddy.

Joe already has guilt where Sammy is concerned. He hates that he has to work and can't be there 24/7 for Sammy.
He hates that the majority of the work with Sammy falls on my shoulders when he's not at home.
It bothers Joe when he does something minor and it freaks Sammy out and I have to tell him what he did and why it upset Sammy. It upsets him that he can't take away Sammy's Autism and it bothers him that Sammy will never have the experience of growing up as child who doesn't have special needs.
Sammy doesn't realize that he's missing out on things but we do and it hurts us deeply.

I know it depresses Joe when he sees other fathers walking with their sons in their T-ball uniform giving each other high fives and talking about the awesome play they made during the game. I think he fears he won't have the type of one on one bonding that baseball and other sports give a father and son.
Joe and his dad didn't and don't have a lot in common but they each look back fondly on Joe's T-Ball and baseball days. That was a bond they shared and something that the two of them did together. I think Joe wants Sammy to respect and admire him the way he does his dad.

Sometimes I think Joe doesn't quite know what to do with Sammy. There are days when the two of them can wrestle and rough house and both of them have a great time. There are other times when Joe goes to wrestle with Sammy and he shrieks and screams. You never know from day to day what might set him off and Joe walks on egg shells around him a lot because of that.

They do have certain things that they do together to help their bond. Sammy has a book called, "Tour Of The Town". It's a book from the movie Cars and that is the only book Sammy lets Joe read to him. Almost every night they read that book together and laugh before going to bed. Joe tells Sammy all about the planets and outer space. Sammy knows all about the planets and can tell you in detail what they look like. That's something that enjoy doing together.

I know some days it really gets Joe down but he tries to not let it affect him in a way that Sammy notices.
Sometimes I see the heavy heart that Joe has for his son and it breaks my heart.
As time goes by and Sammy becomes an older boy my hope is that he'll start depending more on his daddy.

The whys, whats and hows

When we found out our son had High Functioning Autism we were plagued with a case of the WHYS.
Why did this happen to OUR son? Did we do something to cause this?
Was it vaccinations that did this to our son or something else? Was it because I would forget my prenatal vitamin on occasion or was to sick for the first 5 months to keep them down?
Was it something I ate, drank or breathed in?
If you are a parent dealing with a child on the spectrum or a special needs child then I'm sure you've been through this yourself. The whys and the unknown can really be damaging to your heart, spirit and mind, and it will eat away at you if you let it.

The whys plagued us like a bad case of herpes that we couldn't shake.
I remember laying in bed and racking my brain till the wee hours of the morning, wondering if the testing I had in the hospital during my 6 day stay at the 7 week mark due to the severe bronchitis was the cause.
Was it due to the fact that I have a lidacain allergy and had to be completely put under anesthesia and have a c-section that caused it?

No matter how much we rack our brains and comb over every detail as best we can, we'll probably never know WHY.
Truth be told I don't think vaccinations cause Autism and I don't think it was anything we did or didn't do.
Chances are we may never know WHY he or any other child has Autism. What we can do is stop looking at the WHYS and start looking at the now.

Ask yourself WHAT can I do to help my child? What does my child need from us as parents? What resources and services are readily available that we can utilize?
How can I keep my patience when the tantrums seem never ending? How can I reach my child to let him know it's okay when he seems distant and unreachable?
How can I help my child with his anxiety or OCD? How do I curve a foreseeable
tantrum? How do I calm a child who is anxiety ridden and in a panic about a small tear in his favorite book while I have a toddler screaming at the top of her lungs to watch Yo Gabba Gabba for the umpteenth time? How do you handle being exhausted at the end of the day and still have time with your partner?
How do I keep going when I'm exhausted and my head is about to explode?
These are question I ask myself on a daily basis.

Each child is different and days when my patience seems thin and I'm trying to distinguish the difference between the Autism and being spoiled, I just have to take a mommy time out and regroup. Assess the situation and see how I need to approach it. That is a LOT easier said than done.
There are days when I feel worn down and I just want to throw in the towel and give up. Luckily for me those seem to be the days when my husband is the strongest and he sees I'm struggling emotionally and he helps me out of that slump and reminds of the love and admiration he and the children have for me.
Usually that is the boost I need to make it through the day but not always.

When you find yourself plagued with a case of the whys, just remember to take each day as it comes. Don't look back in your review mirror and keep your eyes focused on the road ahead. That road may be full of twists, wrong turns and storm clouds, but you will be okay. If one thing I have learned from all this is that we will all be okay. Just remember that your child depends on you to stay strong and be there for them on both the good days and the bad days.

Dealing with grief and being an advocate for Autism

When my husband and I would talk about our future and our kids the word Autism was not even a thought in our minds.
Autism was something that you heard about happening to other families, not yours.
The harsh reality is that Autism can affect any family and doesn't discriminate.

When you hear that YOUR child has Autism or is on the spectrum you go through a wide variety of emotions, anger, frustration, sadness, depression, uncertainty, guilt.
My husband and I went through all of those emotions. We went through them together and we went through them separately in our own way.

More than anything we grieved. We grieved for the future of our son, the life he would have growing up and as an adult, the unknowns, and for ourselves.
We had a million questions that only time would be able to answer.

It's completely normal for you to feel anger and sadness. This is YOUR child and YOU can't cure him. It's not like a cut that you can put a band-aid over and wait for it to heal. There is NO magic cure for Autism.

I remember when I hit the peak of my grief. I was very sad for my son and my heart ached for him. Like many Autistic children my son fears having his hair cut. The buzzing of the clippers bothered him, but more than that it was the sensation of the falling hair touching his exposed skin that freaked him out. There is noway you're getting a cover around his neck to keep the hair off of him.
Haircuts are something that must be done and we would take him when we could no longer hold off.

Sammy wouldn't scream or throw a tantrum but he would shake and whimper. It was heartbreaking come haircut time and it was something we dreaded. Joe and I took him in and immediately we could sense his anxiety levels rising.
I explained to the young girl that he had Autism and to please not use the blow dryer on him because of his sensory issues. We would handle the excess hair ourselves.
Joe sat there holding Sammy trembling in his lap. He wasn't being loud or screaming or even moving around, he was just trembling and whimpering.
The girl looked at him and with a seemingly smart ass smile turned the blow dryer on and pointed it in Sammy's little face as if she really wanted to see the reaction he would have to the blow dryer.
Of course he started crying and freaking out. I very loudly told this woman that we explained to her about the blow dryer and his sensory issues. She proceeds to tell us that we need to walk him around the mall and if he learn to behave we could bring him back and she would try again.
I was furious and before I could curse this girl out Joe already did. I distinctly remember the F bomb being dropped a few times to this girl. After that my mother in law got us some clippers and from there Joe started cutting Sammy's hair himself.

I was furious but more than that I hurt for my son. Would it always be like this for him? Were ignorant people always going to test him to see his reaction to things? I cried on the car ride home and while I listened to my husbands anger I became fearful that our ventures in public would always be met with some ignorant person who had something smart to say and I would have to set them straight. I speak up when I see an injustice or someone putting down another for a handicap or something they can't help. My mouth can get me into trouble sometimes but my husband and I HAVE to be our sons advocate. These children have a voice and it's up to us to educate people and have their voices heard.
Even though Sammy is now verbal he is so innocent and doesn't understand when people are being rude or mean to him.

We have to push past that pain and grief and be the voices for Autism, not only for our child but for all the other children dealing with Autism as well. If we can educate one person on Autism then that's one more person who can spread the word and educate others.

How Our Journey Began (pt 1)

I guess you could say our journey started Dec 1st 2005, the day our son was born.
Being first time parents we were nervous but quickly settled into the roll of being parents, and before we knew it we felt like old pros. Things just sort of came naturally to us which made being the parents of a new baby a little more easier for us.
Sammy was a very quiet baby. The first 3 months of his life we only heard him cry once. He really had no reason to cry, we woke him to feed him every 2hrs, gave him gas drops after every feeding and changed him as soon as we felt the least bit of wetness in his diaper. Other than being quiet, nothing was out of the ordinary with him.

As he got older he hit all the milestones set forth by the doctor. His speech was lacking but some kids just talk later than others. People would say he would talk when he was ready and that was a phrase uttered to me more times than I can count.
Looking back now I could see signs of the Autism as early as his first birthday. We had gotten him a shape sorter with various shapes and colors. I remember watching him line up the shapes by color on his bookshelf. The first shelf was lined with the red shapes, the second shelf lined with the blue and so on. I remember thinking it was odd to do that at such a young age, but at the same time I was fascinated by it.

I started noticing little quirks about him shortly after his first birthday. Certain noises would freak him out, especially my blow dryer.
One day Joe was whistling and it upset Sammy terribly. I thought it was a little odd at the time but just figured maybe the pitch of certain noises bothered him.
I also started noticing that he would not acknowledge when we would sometimes talk to him. We would try to engage him in play but it was as if we weren't there and he played around us. My mom was convinced he had hearing problems and after being tested we were told his hearing was perfectly normal. That's when a little voice kept telling me something was going on with him. When I would mention my concerns to the doctor or other people they would tell me that he was barely over a year old and to give him time. So that's what we did.


By 15 months I was getting even more concerned because he only said maybe 5 words but he wouldn't imitate sounds or things we did. Sure he would clap, but if we started clapping he wouldn't imitate it. Instead of rolling cars or trucks he would turn them over and spin the wheels or he would line them up. Sometimes he would have up to 100 cars lined up in the living room. If you moved one of his cars he became inconsolable and full of anxiety until that car was put back in it's proper place.
He was also a very solitary little boy. Even though we spent many afternoons at the park he still had no interest in the other kids. I thought maybe because he was an only child he just didn't understand the concept of playing with others.

It wasn't until we went to Target one day that we really became aware that there were problems. From day one we were always able to take him places without incident. On this particular day something set him off. He started shrieking and yelling and just freaking out. We ended out trip quickly and while Joe was at the check out stand I took Sammy in the restroom and scolded him for being so unruly.

By then my motherly instinct was really kicking in and it was telling me that something wasn't right. The more I tried to put it out of my head the stronger that instinct became. I talked to a friend of mine who's son was speech delayed and she told me about Early Intervention and how it was helping her son who was Sammy's age.
By 18 months we had been interviewed by therapists and found out that Sammy DID qualify for EI services and 2 months after his 2nd birthday we began in home therapy 2 times a week for 30 minutes to an hour.

As kind as the speech therapist was, Sammy didn't connect with her and would have horrible meltdowns when she tried to make him comply with her demands. He had no interest in anything she tried to do with him and he let it be known.
She was a sweet lady but lacked the discipline it takes to be firm with young children. At that time she suggest an Occupational Therapist.
2 weeks later we met and incredible woman who helped us in more ways than you could imagine. Angela Collier is very popular in the Autism community here in our town. She has worked with children on the spectrum her entire life and we were fortunate that she was going to be Sammy's OT. He was the last patient she saw before retiring.
Upon our first meeting I told her my instincts were telling me that there was more going on with him then just a speech delay. He tested her and let her know that he was not about cooperate with her. He would fall to the floor in full on tantrum mode kicking and screaming. She got down and wrapped her arms around him in a tight grip that concerned me. I was taken aback by her forcefulness with MY child. My mother bear instinct was about to kick this lady out of my house for man handling my son. She had him immobilized in this bear hug and as quickly as the tantrum began it ended. I'm sure she could tell by the look on my face that I was in shock by what had just happened.
It was a technique known as compression therapy and it worked. It was a technique that we would find ourselves using a lot over the next couple of years.

It wasn't until our 3rd meeting that Angela sat me down and told me that she felt he had High Functioning Autism.
I had heard of Autism as it was becoming a more common thing among kids but up until that moment I never had a reason to research it. When I would hear the word AUTISM I associated it with people such as Dustin Hoffman's character in Rain Man.

How Our Journey Began (pt 2)

Once the shock of hearing the word Autism wore off I became diligent in my quest for knowledge about Autism and spectrum disorders.
It blew my mind all things I was reading, but I was fascinated at the same time.
So much of what I was reading made since and for the first time I could better understand what was going on with my son. I equipped myself with the knowledge and tools that we would need to work with our son.

Before we ever got an official diagnosis I knew that my son in fact had High Functioning Autism. After all the research and hours of reading I did we decided to not wait on the official diagnosis and start being proactive to help Sammy in every way possible. I found what interested him and went from there. I came up with a lot of teaching tools and put a lot of things together that helped him greatly. The therapists were impressed by us being so proactive and involved instead expecting the teachers and therapist to do it all while we sat back and watched.
I spent countless hours and many many dollars creating teaching aids for him.
I found that by creating teaching aids that catered to his particular interests and needs worked for him and us. That's what I continued and still continue to do.

The waiting list to have your child tested for Autism is long wherever you go. It isn't something you can have diagnosed through your doctor or pediatrician. You're put on a waiting list and wait for your turn.
It was 8 months from the day we started in home therapy that we got the official diagnosis of High Functioning Autism from Glennwood out of Birmingham, Al.
Even though you suspect the diagnosis and you prepare yourself for it, seeing it in writing started our grieving process over. Grieving is a topic I will touch on at some point while doing this blog. I have so much I want to talk about here.

We basically had to learn to be parents all over again. We had to completely change the way we did everything with Sammy and that was hard.
We had to change the way we communicated with him, the way we disciplined him the way we dressed him, everything needed changing.

I think the most frustrating part for us and Sammy was the communication barrier. That's where sign language came in very handy and he picked up on it in no time. We also started a system with him known as the Picture Exchange Communication System, PECS for short.
I got a huge magnetic dry erase board and kept it in the dinning room. We had laminated words and pictures for nearly every word he needed. He was already reading a lot of words at this point and was easily able to recognize most of the words and symbols. Whenever he wanted or needed something he would bring us the PECS card for whatever it was that he wanted and sometimes he would even form sentences with the cards.
For the next several months PECS and sign language became our main forms of communication with him.
Once he was better able to communicate with us his tantrums decreased and we settled into somewhat of a normal routine.

When Sammy turned 3 EI was no longer provided services and it was up to the school system at that point to make a determination as to rather or not he fit the criteria for the Pre-k program.
After being assessed and discussing with us Sammy's needs he was approved for the Pre-K program. This program incorporates typical children with A typical children. There are 12 kids to a class and they try to divide them equally.
This program has been wonderful for Sammy and having had the same teacher the past few years really helps.

How Our Journey Began (pt3)

By the summer of 2008 I was expecting our second and last child. Sammy was still very non-verbal and his sensory issues seemed to be worsening. We would take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I'm one of these people who don't believe in the Gluten free diet, all organic or things of that nature where Autism is concerned. If my child had to live with a Gluten free diet he would probably starve to death.
I was hearing more and more about the affects of red-dye 40 and how it affected children adversely .
We try to eat moderately healthy but we don't take it to the extreme that others do. While looking in my cabinets and refrigerator I noticed just how much stuff had red dye 40 in it. Why do Pilsbury Cresent Rolls have red dye 40 in them?
I cut him from almost every thing that had red dye in it.
Within 2 weeks the changes in his behavior were astonishing. Not only had he been tantrum free but he started talking. I heard Joe reading to him one night and I heard a sweet little voice talking back and naming pictures. I cried as I heard that voice and my husband did to.
For 3 1/2 years we only heard him say momma, daddy, papaw, car and light and now here he was just out of nowhere naming pictures in his book. From there his vocabulary grew and the sign language and PECS system were no longer needed.

As of today he is reading on a first grade level, he is absolutely brilliant with numbers and he has a fascination for geography and space. I've taught him the states and capitals, we are teaching him about different countries and he can tell you the 7 continents. He can also tell you about our planets and describe to you what they look like.
While most kids are playing with their Wii systems, DSi and other toys of that nature, our son has no interest in our X-Box 360 or video games.
He would much rather be in his room studying one of his globes or doing math problems on one of the 15 calculators he owns that's scattered throughout the house. Instead of playing ball outside he takes the ball and pretends that it's the Earth or some other random planet in our solar system.
We still have a long way to go with him both socially and emotionally but in time we'll get there.