Friendships

Watching children play together is always a precious thing.  The first several years of Sammy's life he had no desire to play with the other children or make friends.  He was quite content sitting on the sidelines and watching everyone else play.  Other children would initiate play with Sammy but he had no interest.  
It's sad to watch the other children laughing and playing on the playground while your child plays alone picking clovers out of a patch or finding pleasure in his solitude. 
Autistic children lack a lot of social ques and tend to avoid social interactions.

Now that Sammy is older he does play with other children if they are children he is familiar with.  He still likes to watch more than interact sometimes but he is learning to deal with some of the social, "quirks" he has.  I've mentioned several times in this blog about his best pal Donaven.  Donaven is a precious little boy who is also on the spectrum.  He and Sammy have been in preschool for 2 years together and developed a friendship.
Over the Memorial Day weekend we had a cookout and had some family and friends over to join us.  We had the pool and Slip n Slide set up and the sandboxes all ready to go.  We were so happy to have Donaven and his mother and brother join us in the holiday celebration.
Donaven's mother and I were chit chatting and we both have noticed over the past few months how odd the boys interaction with one another is.  Those two boys just adore each but they don't play together.  They do their own thing separately but they like to be near each other.  They like the companionship and comfort of knowing the other one is there even if they aren't really playing together.
I wont even begin to try and understand it but it works for them and it's very sweet.


Sometimes just watching them is fascinating.  They are so different in some ways but very much alike in others.  They don't sit down and do an activity together but they like having each other around.  Maybe it's a comfort thing because they have spent so much time at school together and then socially outside of school.  It makes me feel good knowing that Sammy has someone that he considers a friend.  
I had to break the news to him that he and Donaven would be going to different schools in the fall and it made him sad.  He told me that he loves Donaven and that's his best friend.  I think my heart broke as much as his did when I saw the tears welling up in his eyes.  I assured him that we would still see them socially and they would have playdates.  Not a day goes by that he doesn't mention Donaven.


When your child has been solitary and has social issues it really does your heart good to see them have a friend.  It's hard watching your child be a loner because they don't get certain social cues or because they find joy in their solitude.  As a parent it's a sad thing to sit back and watch.  You want your child to flourish socially and to interact with their peers.  Sammy has come a long way socially,  but he still has a long way to go.  We are working hard on his communication and how he responds to his peers.  Sometimes if he isn't in, "friend" mode and one of his peers talks to him he will completely ignore them or yell, "NO".  Sometimes the child on the receiving end doesn't understand and feelings get hurt.  He will on occasion do that to an adult and I have to sit him down and talk to him about his response and how to better handle it next time.  I'm sure he gets overwhelmed and doesn't know how to correctly express his feeling but in time he will get there.  We just have to keep encouraging him and continue giving him the guidance and reassurance that he needs.