Heartbroken

I am absolutely heartbroken.  Back in September my son got a UTI and the doctor prescribed some meds an it knocked it right out.  A week before his 5th birthday he got another one.  The doctor said that he could be getting them because he isn't circumcised.  
That weighed heavily on hearts.  When we found out we were having a son I wanted him circumcised and my husband was strongly against it.  After talking to the various doctors they all pretty much said that there is no medical reason to have him circumcised so we decided to not have it done.

When the doctor told us that he could be getting these infections due to him not being circumcised my husband was crushed.  He took it very hard and blamed himself.
At that point we were sent to a pediatric urologist.
Sammy  does not like his penis touched at all.  He doesn't allow us to even pull the skin back to clean it so you can imagine the hell that broke loose when we had to hold him down so the doctor could look at him.  It was heartbreaking to hear him pleading with us.
The doctor said outwardly he looked great but he wanted Sammy to have an ultrasound.
Off we went to have the ultrasound and things came back looking good.  We were relieved that his kidneys and bladder were working like they should.
He then decided he wanted to order a VCUG since Sammy had gotten a 3rd UTI in just a matter of weeks after he recovered from the 2nd one.
We were told that IF this test came back okay then we would take the wait and see approach.  If he were to get another UTI then we would discuss circumcision. 

He explained the VCUG procedure to us and how it worked so we would know what to expect.
Wednesday he had his procedure.  He did really good while we sat and waited for everyone come in and get things started.  Even though they were 2hrs behind he never once complained.  They came in and sprayed something up his nose to relax him.  You would have honestly thought that someone had given that kid 10 beers by the way he was acting.  So they got ready to put the catheter in and they gave him some Nitrous Oxide to help.  He did great through that part.  They let him watch a movie on their portable DVD player while they got him prepped.
Then it was off to the sonogram room.  There things didn't go to well.  Even though he was extremely groggy he fought with everything he had.  It was tough having to hold him down while he's looking at me and asking me to take him home.  I wanted to cry right along with him. 
Once they filled his bladder up they need him to try to pee with the catheter in him.  That is where he freaked out the worst.   He was so upset that they wanted him to pee in something other than a toilet.  He was not having any part of that.  Finally I told him it was a special pee-pee table and it was okay.  He finally went and they got the pictures they needed.

From there we took our very groggy, and drunk acting son to the urologist for the results.
Now those who know me best know that I always prepare myself for the worst in every situation.  I'm one of those, expect the worst and hope for the best kind of people".
I always prepare myself to hear the worst possible outcome of things.
This time I took a different approach,  and never once contemplated a negative outcome.
The doctor told us that it was probably going to be a wait and see kind of thing so that's how I treated it.

I was not prepared for what the doctor told us.  Poor Sammy has kidney reflux in his right kidney.  My husband and I sat their kind of shocked and dazed.  
So now my son will be having surgery on March 1st to reverse the reflux in his kidneys and will we be on medication for awhile after that.
The best way I know how to describe kidney reflux is that it's like a stopped up sink.  Some of the water goes down the drain and the other backs up into the sink.  
Some of the urine is going out like it's suppose to and then some of it is going back up into his kidneys which is what is causing his infections.

The surgery itself takes 20 minutes but it will be painful and unlike last time he will be put completely under anesthesia.  If this surgery doesn't work and he gets another infection they will have no choice but to do a more invasive surgery that involves cutting.
He will have to take it very easy in the days following this surgery and that will be hard because he's a very active 5 year old.  
All we can do is be strong for him, prepare him and let him know that things will be okay.  I've done good at not letting him see me cry.  He's been through so much already and now this.  It hardly seems fair and I wish I could go through this instead of him.
My heart is just broken for my little boy.